Repost again because I apparently suck at being a consistent writer. I don't know WHY it's making me so guilty to not have anything up here for, what, 11 days? But it is. So here is a cleaned-up, longer, altogether better version of an essay I wrote awhile ago on Double Trouble.

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Where did Princess Peach come from?

She is, as far as I know, the only native human in the Mushroom Kingdom aside from Mario and Luigi. Taking the old Super Mario Bros. movie as the canon mythos (because really, why not), the brothers entered the Mushroom Kingdom through a strange pipe somewhere in the Brooklyn sewers. Aside from these three humans, there is no evidence of any other humans ever existing in the Mushroom Kingdom; no parents for Peach to have ever had. Examining Peach's features (tall, blonde hair, speaks English, has a nose), it is obvious that she is actually fully human and not some sort of half-Koopa hybrid. Considering the rest of the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom are not exactly human-esque - Goombas, Bob-ombs and Lakitus come to mind here - it can be assumed that there are no prospective biological parents in the Mushroom Kingdom for a clearly human girl.

Making this lack of other humans even stranger is the fact that Peach is a princess; Princess Peach Toadstool. Despite being the only royalty or ruling power in the whole Mushroom Kingdom - aside from Bowser, who seems to run his own region of the Kingdom - Peach is a Princess. Why is she not Queen Toadstool? Where are King and Queen Toadstool, still hanging on and keeping her from obtaining her proper monarchic title? We never hear about them, but they must exist somewhere; it's basic human biology. There have to be parents - and monarchs - somewhere.

(Deviating slightly, the same argument can be put forward for Princess Daisy of Sarasaland. However, not enough is known about Sarasaland's occupants to put forward a truly knowledgable argument. Maybe there are other humans there; it's been far too long for me to remember. There is also Wario and Waluigi to consider, but I think they all came from Diamond City...or whatever the Warioware city was called. Peach's parents probably aren't from Diamond City, either; as monarchs, I would imagine that they would have to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom, and probably have been there for several generations. If she is a native resident at all.)

Peach's non-specified origins are an odd point in the Mario-verse; the problem being, no mention is EVER made of her parents, in any way, shape, or form. Not once in any of the Mario games has there been any mention of Peach's origins. She lives in a castle all by herself, with no pictures or mention of her parents and monarchs anywhere. Considering her parents must have been a King and Queen, surely SOME records would exist on them! Surely Peach just didn't APPEAR!

But let's assume that part of my original hypothesis is false; that Peach is not actually a native occupant of the Mushroom Kingdom. It's fairly plausible - at least using Videogame Logic - that Peach could have gotten into the Mushroom Kingdom in the same way as Mario and Luigi; that she could have stumbled in through a pipe and suddenly been crowned Princess. If these two Italian plumbers could become the greatest heroes in the land, why couldn't a regular American girl (I assume she's American, considering her lack of an accent) could become a Princess? We don't know much about the legends and cultural mores of the Toads; maybe Peach resembled a great ruler of the ancient Toad legends. They could have just said "The Lady in Pink is here! Our Queen!" and stuck the crown on her. I doubt Peach would have protested that too much; as strange as the Mushroom Kingdom is, it would be rather difficult to refuse the offer of the highest executive estate in existence, even with the occasional kidnapping considered.

There is, of course, the problem brought up by one of the newer Mario games, Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time; Baby Peach. In that game, Peach is shown to already be a monarch as a little baby, being taken care of by a young Toadsworth. Even when exploring the whole castle in the past, there is no mention of any King and Queen Toadstool. Again, we don't know much about Toad legends, but I doubt they'd be dumb enough to put a BABY in control of the entire Kingdom. She still could have wandered into the Mushroom Kingdom by accident, but evidence points to Peach being a native...somehow.

So, our options are thus:
- Peach is a native resident and there just so happens to be NO MENTION ANYWHERE EVER of her royal parents.
- Peach came from the 'real world' just like Mario and Luigi and was crowned Princess for some reason.
- Peach just appeared in the Mushroom Kingdom because Nintendo needed a cute girl for Mario to save.

Other ideas that are less plausible:
- Peach was 'chosen by destiny' to be the Princess of the Kingdom. Pulled from the real world into the kingdom, her real parents are actually in Ontario or something.
(Unlikely, since the closest thing to destiny in Mario games are the Stars, and they're pretty laidback about most stuff.)
- Peach's parents were wandering vagabonds - from Diamond City or Sarasaland or something - and they fulfilled a prophecy or something, making them king and queen. They died tragically early, orphaning their young daughter Peach. The whole thing was a national tragedy and now no-one ever talks about it.
(Very doubtful. Might make for a good fic, though.)
- Peach is Daisy's long-lost sister, installed as the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom by the royals of Sarasaland.
(Well, they really look alike, but that's about all the plausibility it has.)

Other theories are welcome; I'm sure that I've missed something. This isn't even getting into those pseudo-humans in the Beanbean Kingdom or Roguetown or all the other worlds. Good LORD.

~ Aaron